The wonders of vitamin D

That's the vitamin you get from being in the sun. Some absurdly high percentage of people living in Scotland suffer from a deficiency.

As a hot weather fiend living in the north, I consider the winter solstice immensely important, and not in an eclectic druid way. Personally, I'm thrilled it's past. For what feels like forever (technically six months), I have watched the daylight around me dwindle to those pathetic few hours it takes for the sun to bob above the horizon and tuck itself away again. The UV-simulating lamp perched on my desk does its best, and if I’m really desperate, I’ll crank up the heat and put on a bikini. Nevertheless it’s impossible to escape the fact that, in winter St Andrews, one lives in the dark like one of those proverbial giant alligators that roams the sewers beneath Manhattan, and that, my friends, is immensely depressing.

But that winteriness is festive! It’s part of the Christmas season! Things just wouldn’t be RIGHT without that icy darkness! everyone insists. To which I say, shut up (and no, I’m not one of those people who hates Christmas to ‘be different’).

Despite the lack of pine garlands or plastic reindeer or creepy fat men dressed in Santa suits, I’m pretty convinced that I’m in one of the more perfect spots on earth right now, for I am typing this from a massive egg-shaped chair with a view of Israel and the Sinai peninsula across the Red Sea. There are of course Christians in Jordan, but the majority is Sunni Muslim, so the manifestations of Christmas cheer that every British or American shop vomits all over you the moment you enter are for the most part absent. The market town of Madaba, our first port of call upon arriving in Amman eight days ago, has enough Christians to put up a tree in the main roundabout, but no one seems determined to asphyxiate you with festiveness. When I explained to a shopkeeper that we were heading to Jerusalem on the 24th for Christmas, he paused for a second and commented, ‘Huh. That’s right, I guess it is Christmas’. Again, I don’t hate the holiday—far from it; I love roast goose and Baileys and the Nutcracker and all the rest of it—but there are few things that ride me more than people forcing me to be cheerful. Here in Jordan, the nonchalant attitude is almost as refreshing as the sun and fresh dry air.

Indeed, the past eight days have reminded me what it is like to feel warmth on my skin and to see the sun overhead in a wide-open blue sky; much to my joy I feel human again. As I made my way into central Aqaba this morning, I was all of a sudden aware that I was smiling in that rather absent way that usually makes an appearance only after a few glasses of wine (and I assure you that my time in Jordan has been far from a boozefest). The iced-over island of Britain seems about a billion miles from the soft warm breezes and bubbling hookahs of Aqaba. To those of you that have been stranded by the snow back home, be it in your houses or in airports, I am so tremendously sorry. The whole thing just seems very unfair, and had I not skipped my last history seminar (oops) I would probably be in the same boat. Or the same terminal at Heathrow, if you will.

Though there is a rather large part of me that is praying for Schipol and/or Edinburgh to be hit by an enormous horrific snowstorm on the 30th, leaving me no choice but to—oh no!—stay in Amsterdam or Tel Aviv for a few days at KLM’s expense. One can dream.

Apart from the stellar weather it enjoys in December, Jordan has been exceedingly pleasurable because almost all of the Jordanians with whom I’ve interacted have been friendly to the point of absurdity. I know that this suggests a sweeping generalisation and that there’s usually been a cash transaction involved, but people are so ridiculously hospitable here that it blows my mind. It seems as though Lonely Planet and Rough Guide wax poetic about ‘the people’ of every single country/city/region guide they produce (‘…however, it is the people of Ghana/Thailand/Tajikistan/the Maghreb/the Moldovan breakaway republic of Transnistria that are its best asset’), but it is hard to exaggerate the kindness and effervescence of Jordanians. I attribute this to good weather, good food, and possibly the relaxing effects of a good hookah session (very scientific, I know). I’ve been served countless cups of free tea and Turkish coffee, gifted about ten pounds’ worth of sticky Arab sweets, and complimented for my extremely limited Arabic language skills, amongst other things. Even the airport employees issuing visas and stamping passports were unfailingly polite and—gasp!—friendly, whereas whenever I go through customs at SFO, I’m booted into the baggage claim with a flat, sarcastic ‘welcome home, I guess’.

Actually, here in Aqaba, a guy named Zalif seems to have taken it upon himself to make my stay as relaxing as possible (he works for the hotel; he’s not just some random). It began yesterday, when we arrived a few hours before check-in so that Ted could fit in a dive. We had all left Wadi Musa at half six in the morning, which meant that my mom and I were practically gagging for caffeine. Although we technically shouldn’t have gotten any breakfast, I asked Zalif, who was surveying the buffet, if we might possibly get some coffee, preferably the Turkish variety that Jordan does so well. My mom, brother and I were immediately seated with a view of the Red Sea and given our own pot of coffee, as well as hot milk, sugar and some sweet cakey bread. Later that afternoon, as I walked out to the beach for a much-needed bit of tanning, Zalif appeared out of nowhere with a cushion and turned my chaise so that I could enjoy the sun without being bothered by the sea breeze. ‘That was nice,’ I thought to myself, and had closed my eyes for all of about two minutes when he turned up with a plate of sliced oranges and a query as to whether or not I desired any lunch (already stuffed with fresh pita, hummus and cucumber, I declined). Since then, he has plied me with enough Turkish coffee to give me heart palpitations, which is great and everything, don’t get me wrong, but he’s also asked for a few pictures of the two of us waltzing together. That strikes me as weird, so I’ve foregone the free coffee for this afternoon.

There has of course also been Petra and the Roman city of Jerash and the crusader castles and the Dead Sea and all of that (I figure I’m obliged to mention these things in a post about Jordan). Photos hardly do these things justice; nonetheless they do a much, much better job describing them than my blog can. Or maybe I’m just in the mood for a puff on the hookah right now.

Revenge is a dish best served cold (and wet)

This extremely delayed bloggage comes to you from the lobby of the Toledo Hotel in Amman, Jordan, where I am wearing sunglasses, flip flops and a kaffiyeh, but I’ll get to that later. All I’ll say for now is that it’s blissfully warm and sunny here and that the wizened owner of a nut shop gave me a sizeable bag of almonds for free…along with his name (Abdullah) and phone number. Thanks but no thanks.

My mother has developed a habit in the past month whereby, whenever we speak on the phone, she comments, ‘You haven’t written in that blog for a while.’ It’s true; according to the blog, I’ve either been dead or in a coma for the past five weeks. Oops. In my defence I did have application deadlines and a behemoth essay to write analysing Indian state and non-state interaction with sub-Saharan Africa (which was brutal, but now I can hold my own in discussions about the lines of credit offered by the Indian Export-Import Bank to Ethiopian agricultural actors and the capacity building initiatives undertaken by ITEC and SCAAP, which means I can bore the pants off people more effectively than ever). But since then I readily admit that I’ve had pretty much nothing to do. I’ve been at the gym. I’ve drunk a lot of coffee. I’ve spent a lot of time reading the papers—as in I’ve indulged in reading the Times, Telegraph, Guardian and Financial Times from cover to cover quite regularly. Check out the vastness of that political spectrum! One could argue that as an IR student it’s part of my ‘work’, but it’s not that great of an argument.

Anyway.

Since my last pitiful attempts to run a blog (the beginning of November), I have survived three major trials: my last Raisin Weekend, the great Fife Snowpocalypse, and getting to the Edinburgh airport using public transport in time for a 9 am flight. Oh, and I went to Poland too. Poland, Raisin and Fife Snowpocalypse were all very enjoyable; waking up at 5 to catch a medley of buses and trains in atrociously cold weather was not. But for the most part, I’ve been savouring my last winter in St Andrews, pervasive darkness, sleet, diminuitive size, lack of nightlife and all. St Andys has been my home for the past three and a bit years and no one could ever deny its grey seaside beauty or its cosy small-town feel. And, of course, the wonderful bizarre alternate universe we all seem to inhabit here.

Raisin Weekend, for instance. I really don’t feel like explaining the whole academic children and parents and receipts and tea parties and foam fight thing, so I instead direct those of you not in the know to the following page: http://www.yourunion.net/raisin. As I’m now in my fourth year, it was time for the children to take revenge for those shots of low-grade gin I used to wake them up at 7 am on Raisin Sunday last year. Two of my sons, Bertie and Will, talked it up endlessly to the tune of ‘you will wish you had never been born’, and at first I was able to laugh this off because surely it was a joke! But it continued for weeks, and other people started to say things like ‘I heard what your kids are doing to you; it sounds terrible’ and ‘ooh, I don’t envy you’, and yours truly started to get uneasy. I had visions of the children funnelling a mix of gin, spiced rum, tequila, sambuca, box wine and green enchilada sauce into my mouth whilst I was tied to a chair, struggling and in agony (that combo would be my worst nightmare; I can’t even drink a G&T without making horrible squidgy faces and trying to pawn it off on someone else as soon as possible). So when I was told up to bring a bikini and show up at my daughter Averell’s flat at 11.30 am sharp—in St Andrews, punctuality is very important when it comes to the lash because the punishment for lateness is usually pretty disgusting—I was properly nervous.

Upon knocking, I was blindfolded by Bertie and led into the kitchen, where a glass was placed in my hand and I was told to down whatever was in said glass. I tried to sniff it and get some idea of how horrible it was, but then bit my tongue and knocked it back. It turned out to be very tasty, with a mild cocoa flavour and elegant balance of smoothness and bite. The blindfold was removed to reveal a very beautiful full Sunday brunch, which was one of the most wonderfully pleasant shocks I’ve ever gotten (especially considering my fears about a vicious gin revenge). The four of us toasted our stupidly good-looking and charismatic family, and Raisin Sunday officially began. My three wonderful children had not only cooked brunch, they had also stocked up the ingredients for some lovely drinks. There was a glorious supply of champagne and peach juice for bellinis, and bless their hearts, vodka, crème de cacao and Galliano for Golden Cadillacs, which they all knew is one of my favourite cocktails of all time. A few rounds later Will had ceased to actually measure any of the ingredients for the drinks and just dumped the rest of the vodka, crème de cacao and Galliano into a massive bowl and we were all dancing very badly around the kitchen, which appeared to really confuse the tourists that happened to be walking down North Street that day. Though that’s hardly the weirdest thing they would have seen that weekend—even on my walk over, I had witnessed people laughing maniacally as they sprayed whipped cream out their first floor window and a gaggle of boys clambering into the Market Street fountain completely naked.

What about that bikini? you might be wondering. Well, this is the point (about half 12 in the afternoon) where the kids told me to get go get changed, no ifs, ands or buts about it. I sensed that something potentially very bad was about to happen, but I was full of bellinis and Golden Cadillacs and couldn’t stop laughing, so against my better judgement I put on my bikini in Scotland in late November. We all waltzed and sang our way down to Castle Sands (‘SHAKE yo ass! WATCH yoself!’ and so on) and came to a collective halt where the frigid grey waves were crashing onto the sand. Surely they won’t actually make me do this, I thought to myself.

Disrobe! they ordered. Into the sea!

Yes, that is correct, my lovely academic children, who had so nicely made brunch and cocktails, were forcing me to go into the North Sea in November. The North Sea is brutally, horrifically, absurdly cold for the May dip; in November, there really are no words to describe it. As someone who functions best when it’s 35 degrees and sunny, the idea strikes me as particularly awful. I made a feeble, boozy and generally ineffective protest, and the next thing I knew I was standing whimpering in my bikini with my toes already gone numb and Will, his trouser legs rolled up to the knees, holding my hand. ‘Just go in up to your knees,’ he told me. ‘You don’t even have to go in all the way.’ That didn’t seem so terrible, so Will pulled me screeching into the surf so both our calves were underwater. Darling Will then proceeded to shove me over, and lacking the capability to balance at this point, I toppled into the waves and was drenched from head to toe. To make it worse, every time I tried to run away back to the shore, he would just knock me over again to much cheering from Bertie and Averell.

Had I been sober, I probably would have had a coronary from the cold, the shock and the sheer unpleasantness of flailing about in the North Sea in November. Thankfully the cocktails had fortified me somewhat or they at least just made the memory fuzzy. Eventually I was allowed to run back to the beach, where I cocooned myself in a towel and my coat and refused to put on my socks and boots because my feet were sandy. I was handed a flask of hot chocolate (which later turned out to be mostly vodka) and given a piggyback ride by Bertie back to North Street, where I de-sanded my feet and slumped over with a hot water bottle clutched to my chest. At this point it gets a little hazy; I’m told that as we waited outside for a taxi to take me home, I gave up on standing and sort of crumpled to the ground, which was very alarming to the group of tourists passing by. ‘She’s fine, she’s fine!’ shouted Bertie as he picked up my limp form and stuffed it into the back of the car. Somehow I doubt they were convinced; anyway, I was deposited back in my room at about 2 pm and had a lovely six-hour long nap from which I woke up very, very happy with my academic children and very, very happy to be at St Andrews.




















Happy, happy, happy...so happy that I'm curling my toes

How could you not love a place like this?

Return to Fife

Well, it’s been over two weeks since I made my way back from the bustling metropolis of Shanghai to the breezy seaside town of St Andrews, and I can say with confidence that reverse culture shock is a very real thing. Not that I didn’t know it before, but Shanghai and St Andys really are polar opposites in most every way.

-You all knew this was coming, but I do have to put in a bit about the weather. When I got off the plane in Edinburgh, and for about three days afterward, my body was racked by a chill that went so deep I simply could not get rid of it. The jeans, cardigans, socks and boots that would have been stifling back in Shanghai did nothing to shelter me from the dampness seeping into my skin or the wind pressing on my body. It hasn’t been that cold—around 13 degrees, or 55 Fahrenheit—but being thrust into it immediately after my gloriously sweltering summer amplified the effect. I’ve managed to adjust, I think, helped in part by the storage company delivering my boxes of winter clothing and my reunion with my Uggs. People have pointed out to me that it’s only the first week of October, though, and I’m already bundling myself in my warmest sheepskin coat. So there is probably still a risk I won’t survive the winter.

-One thing to which I haven’t managed to adjust is the painful lack of any kind of decent East Asian cuisine here. St Andrews has its fair share of restaurants—Hugh Grant has to eat somewhere when he comes up for the golf—but Chinese? Forget it. Malaysian, Burmese, Sumatran? REALLY forget it. Last night I was on the phone to my mother literally in tears because I felt too ill to leave my room and all I really wanted was a bowl of Xinjiang-style kuan mian (thick noodles), which I could have been enjoying for a mere 7rmb in five minutes’ time were I still in Shanghai. Needless to say, there is no kuan mian to be had in our little town, and certainly not for the equivalent of 70p. Oh, food of Shanghai, how I pine for you.

-If I had run into someone I knew randomly on the street in Shanghai, I would be shocked. In a massive city of sixteen million people, the chances aren’t terribly high. Here things are quite the opposite. The walk to Tesco, for example, takes eight minutes (yes, I’ve timed it). When I tried to walk to Tesco the other day, it literally took half an hour because I kept running into people and having conversations. It’s been one of my favourite parts of small town life, really, and I will miss it when I leave. There are downsides, though: it can take a ridiculous amount of time to walk short distances, leaving the house on a ‘low maintenance day’ is pretty much unacceptable, and you always seem to run into the people you least want to see—either at that particular moment, or just in general.

-St Andrews is notorious for this, but holy Christ, I’ve blitzed through a shocking amount of money in the past fortnight. When I remember the time I thought 38rmb was a lot to pay for a taxi ride, I weep a little bit.

-Free champagne at 100 Century Avenue or the Apartment is a distant memory now. If a pub in this town had ladies’ nights, the results would be somewhat disastrous in that the streets would be littered with girls rendered paralytic from free booze and the pub itself would go broke with shocking speed. I have stubbornly refused to buy any drinks so far, preferring to get my kicks during pregaming (sadly). I also miss the wonderfully laughable assortment of pick up lines I would get in Shanghai, ranging from the clichéd (‘so what do you do here; are you a model?’) to the bizarre (‘do you play for the Australian beach volleyball team?’) to the direct (‘my associates and I would like you to come drink champagne with us on our sofa’) to the simultaneously hilarious and alarmingly inappropriate (‘I want to $%&# you @%$#&# on this dancefloor’). A girl hears a memorable pickup line in St Andrews only on occasion, owing to the diminutive size of the town and the degree to which everyone’s social circles overlap. That is to say, if you make a tit of yourself trying to chat someone up, most of your friends (and their friends) will hear about it within the hour.

-Needless to say, I don’t get people coming up on the street asking if they can take my picture, blowing kisses, mistaking me for a celebrity or offering free cigarettes or flasks of green tea and vodka. If I walked down the street and people started staring like they do in China, I would start to worry that, I don’t know, I had a hole in the bum of my trousers or had had someone draw something rude on my forehead in the middle of the night. Considering that rural Fife is one of the least diverse places on earth, being white will not garner you any special attention here.

-When I speak in English, passersby understand what I’m saying. This means no more making fun of the taxi driver on a night out, which yes, I’ll admit we tended to do back in Shanghai if he did something particularly amusing, stupid or both (‘Why does he keep giggling unnervingly; do you think he’s stoned?’ ‘I think so; he’s been going in circles and singing “Hit Me Baby One More Time”’). If I tried that in the back of a Scottish taxi, I would probably get beaten up, or at the very least chucked out of the car and told to learn some manners. See, it’s the little things you miss.

However, I have found one thing that St Andys and the ’hai have in common: in both places, you will see genuinely weird things happening in public on a regular basis. It’s the same thing I’ve found in San Francisco, the unofficial world hub of weirdness, and you’ll see it in Amsterdam in New York as well. The other day, for example, when Natasha and I were camped out in Starbucks rehashing the events of the night before, a parade of people in period costume marched down the street, their leader hoisting a 10 foot-high lance into the air. As the line snaked on, we realised that these weren’t just large ugly girls in mediaeval garb; no, it appeared to be a procession of men in drag. They then proceeded to walk up and down Market Street for the next half hour or so and crossed in front of Starbucks no less than four times. No one knew exactly what they were doing and no one seemed to care all that much. Really, the sight of the mediaeval drag queens was comfortingly similar to the man walking backward down Xinzha Lu singing ‘Poker Face’ to himself, or the Rastafarian who once ran in front of my friend’s car in San Francisco, and when she screeched to a halt, banged his fist on the bonnet and yelled, ‘You ugly, bitch!’ I can’t even imagine the reverse culture shock had I gone back to somewhere…normal.

Worshipping in the Mecca of free stuff

Back in St Andrews, it is really and truly difficult to get anything for free. Anything major, I mean-maybe a drink here and there, like the time I asked for a vodka cranberry and the guy at the Vic made it with tomato juice instead, or when there are old moneyed golfers lurking about. For the most part, students are stingy, things are costly and the weather is cold.

Here, things are a bit...different.

First off, there's a 'ladies' night' every night of the week at some bar/club or other. My first Wednesday, for example, we went up to the 96th floor of the World Financial Centre (the building that looks like a massive bottle opener) because they were offering girls free champagne. I'm not talking about a tiny little flute of mediocre bubbles; I'm talking about unlimited proper champagne in a gorgeous posh bar with an absolutely mind-boggling view. Just a typical Wednesday night, you know? And ladies' nights can be found everywhere, from places like the World Financial Centre to the crappy little frat house basement-style bar down the street from our flat (we did give that one a go and personally I found it off-putting and surreal, what with its pool table, crowd of 'low maintenance' American girls, plastic cups and John Denver-esque music selection-there's a reason I didn't go to uni in the States). Anyway, it's entirely possible to have a night out in Shanghai for the equivalent of about 3 quid, assuming your taxi fare is a bit higher than normal.

Then there's the fact that the crowds that frequent Shanghai bars are decidedly NOT comprised of miserly students. I've always liked that St Andrews is a town run by students, but I'm starting to wonder if that's just because the alternative-a town being run by the Fife locals-is so terrifying (I can understand some of their reasons for hating students, but I would definitely feel more charitable towards them if I didn't get spat at whilst withdrawing money, shoved out the way by the schoolkids, or made to feel guilty for using the NHS). Going out and meeting 'real people' has proved to be quite fun; usually their stories are a bit more interesting than 'I grew up in X and I'm at X University' and they are much, much more willing to treat you to a drink. Or five. For some reason we always seem to end up chatting to businessmen, either located in Shanghai or just passing through, and they're probably the most generous of all.

The time is a few weeks ago on Saturday night, the place is the iconic Bar Rouge (the one right on the Bund, daahling, you must know it). Riviera has put together the White Party, and thanks to our oh so valuable business connections, my chums and I are able to waltz past the queue of people at the entrance and the cover charge is waived. Upon being treated to a free bright green cocktail by the bartender, we head out to the terrace to look for someplace to sit down, weaving through the throng people clad in all manners of white and admiring the sublime view of the Pudong skyline. We spy some couches that probably have the best view of all and exclaim, 'Oh, look! Empty seats!' Now, looking back, it seems unlikely that, at an absolutely packed party, there would be free seats on a comfy couch overlooking the river, but at the time we just thought it was luck and settled in with our drinks next to some well-dressed guys. The conversation flows easily; two are American, one French and they're in oil and gas and passing through Shanghai before heading onto Dubai and then Paris. They also inform us that the table was actually reserved-cue gasps from us-but hastily assure us that they really don't mind if we sit there, and would any of us like a drink? Cosmos are fetched and replenished without us having to ask; I suspect they go onto the company card, which appears to be one of the very few black American Express cards on earth. The whole night costs us about $3 each (taxis, of course), which is less than a single pint at a downmarket pub back in the UK. God knows how much it cost our new businessmen friends.

Later, our boss Stephane told us that reserving a table at Bar Rouge on a night like the White Party is around 10,000rmb-approximately $1500. Probably not something we would have elected to do on our own...


Thanks, obscenely wealthy businessman!






















Reserved section? What?












Some other fun instances featuring free stuff:

-My friends and I are always a hit at Richbaby, as any cluster of foreign girls at an all-Chinese club would be. The whole place is hilarious anyway; the best way I can describe it is like a collective acid trip. One minute I'm just dancing and enjoying myself, the next a guy grabbing me by the wrist-alarm bells! is he dragging me away or am I in trouble; are they for some reason chucking me out of the club?!-and leading me to the bar, where he presents our group with two flasks of vodka and green tea. For no apparent reason. Green tea and vodka, by the way, is really not bad.
-Mint (or, to be precise and pretentious, M1NT...I know) is a really lovely lounge with a great ambience that happens to feature a bar menu full of rather costly drinks. We're sitting enjoying the view, but I'm thinking that I wouldn't mind another beverage, so I'm pondering how to do it without spending a fortune. Finally I think, 'oh, whatever' and go plunk my elbows down on the bar with no real plan in mind. I get to chatting with two Brazilian businessmen, one of whom is actually called Julio (priceless!), who sort of give themselves away when one of them asks, 'So what do you do in Shanghai; are you a model?' Oh, Julio, sto-op! You are TOO sweet! Really, I didn't even know that people used that line anymore. Anyway, they ask if I'm drinking anything, so I say no, but would they know what the good cocktails are here? In response, they get a bottle of black label Johnnie Walker and another glass. Not exactly what I would have chosen, to say the least-whenever I've tried whisky, I've hated it. Like really and truly hated it; I've thought that it tasted like compost (and not in a good 'I make odd comparisons when I taste wine' sort of way). To my surprise, after Julio fills my glass to the brim and we all toast to something or other, I find that it's not terrible-bitter and smoky, but not in an entirely bad way. It appears that the reason I don't like whisky is that I haven't been buying the stupidly expensive vintages; it all makes sense now.
-It would be a shame to be in Shanghai for three months and not take a stroll on the Bund. This is prime tourist territory in Shanghai; you've got the beautiful old turn of the century architecture behind you in Puxi and the alienesque skyline of Pudong right across the river. On any given day it's packed with tourists-Chinese, Japanese, European, North American-and Saturday is no exception. When Jess, Prudence and I alighted at the intersection of Nanjing Lu and Zhongshan Lu, we trotted over to the riverside and got the standard pictures with Pudong in the background. Almost immediately we were mobbed by people wanting pictures with us-imagine the double whammy of a freak blonde girl and iconic Shanghai in ONE photo! We've been debating about charging for photos, something like 50rmb a pop, but I personally haven't had the heart (okay, the courage) to do it yet. However, one man actually had one of the professional photographers trolling the Bund come over and take a picture of him being flanked by me on one side and Prudence on the other. As we were walking away, he tugged me back by the wrist and presented me with a professional picture of the three of us. It now resides in our flat behind a glass cabinet-a beautifully shot photo of us and a random portly Chinese man.

Needless to say, when I get back to the UK and have to shell out 10 pounds for a bus, I will not be terribly pleased. The good thing? Shanghai and all of its perks will be waiting for me after graduation.

The blonde effect

Were I to say that I do not look particularly Chinese, I would probably be found guilty of gross understatement, and indeed, my round blue eyes, pinky-white skin, kangaroo feet and perhaps most of all my blonde hair make it utterly impossible to blend in over here. Of course, the number of foreigners (waiguoren) in Shanghai is substantial, considering that it's a world capital in the throes of the Expo, but the ones who are shorter and darker aren't considered nearly as freakish and therefore don't attract quite the same attention.

Before you roll your eyes at my unbelievable narcissism, let me describe what exactly this 'attention' comprises. I'm not talking about modelling scouts coming up to me or starting wars that launch a thousand ships; I'm talking about people's reactions to seeing a circus freak or zoo animal walking the streets in broad daylight. Imagine if you saw, say, an ostrich strolling around your neighbourhood. More than likely you would think, 'Jesus Christ, an ostrich!' and take a picture with your mobile, maybe elbow your friend in the ribs to have a look as well and point. I get much the same treatment. Most of the time, people stare unabashedly, take surreptitious or not-so-surreptitious pictures with their phones, point and say (and I'm making a guess here), 'Look at that massive pink thing with the yellow hair'. Children alternatively grin with delight at seeing something so strange or look as though they're about to burst into tears. The elderly, often hunched with age, usually just fix their eyes on me and exhibit no discernible emotion, leaving me to wonder if they're cursing my laowai self. Laowai, by the way, is the...erm...old-fashioned term for foreigners and doesn't carry the best connotations (think 'foreign devil'). It's mostly old people that call me that, though there was one taxi driver who got fed up with us giving haphazard directions. And I think there was a bit of venom behind it.

That, of course, is cosmopolitan Shanghai. In Hangzhou, some less central Shanghai neighbourhoods, and in Beijing in 2007, it's been a bit different.

Beijing, April 2007: it's sometime before 6 am in Tiananmen Square, and the flag of the People's Republic of China has just been raised in time with the sun's first rays peeping over Chairman Mao's picture. My little Branson Mandarin class and I have been told that a 'small gathering' congregates to watch the ceremony, mostly provincial tourists. A 'small gathering' has turned out to mean several thousand people who are nonetheless easily accommodated by the looming vastness of the square. As we are taking it in, a man in a suit grabs my wrist and is excitedly asking for a picture. 'Why not', I venture, and before I know it he and four of his friends have their arms around my shoulders and waist and are all beaming enormous grins and flashing peace signs. A small crowd has gathered around us, most of them taking pictures of other people taking pictures of me. After they disperse, there are still several people trailing our class as we walk through the square and indeed until we climb into the car and shut the doors.

Walking home down Xinzha Lu from the gym, Thursday: gym bag slung across my shoulder, I'm on my mobile to my mother back in California, even though it's a bit early considering they're fifteen hours behind in the summer. 'People do tend to look at me like I'm a mutant here', I tell her, and glance to my left to see a man take a brief pause from chopping a plate of ginger to snap a picture of me on his phone's camera.

A cluster of shops in Putuo, Shanghai, the day before yesterday: my Shanghainese friend Rose, who works with Prudence and me at Riviera, has taken us shopping in a neighbourhood a few kilometres away from our flat in Jing'an. As Prudence sits down to wait while we try some things on, a little girl is peering at her with a combination of awe/abject horror on her face. When the girls mother tries to move between them in an effort to stop staring, the little girl leans around, mouth still agape.

Hangzhou, my first weekend here: read the earlier entry for a description of the mob that descended at Lingyin.






Some new friends in the train station at Hangzhou. It took them about half an hour to work up the courage to ask us for this, but they seemed happy as they ran off giggling wildly.






Richbaby, an all-Chinese nightclub, the wee hours of Saturday morning: this Swedish guy and I are dancing together when a smiling Shanghainese guy comes up to us and asks if we like free alcohol. We exchange glances and allow him to lead us to the VIP section, where he hands us champagne flutes of something much stronger and less pleasant than champagne, offers us all the cigarettes we want to smoke, and says that his girlfriend 'really wants to meet us'. His girlfriend is gaping wide-eyed as she shakes our hands, trembling with excitement.

I could go on, but you get the idea. A lot of Westerners get really annoyed at the stares and picture-taking and strangers 'accidentally' touching their skin or hair, but I personally find the whole thing hilarious. It's no skin off my teeth and it's a pretty effortless way to give someone their kicks. I also laugh when I think about what happens after they thank me and we part ways-what, for example, are all those people with pictures of a random white girl on their phones going to do with them? Show them to their friends and say, 'Look what I saw yesterday, it was f***ing weird'? Same with the people who ask to get a photo with me. Does this mean they'll have a photo of them and an odd-looking stranger in their 'Our Vacation to Hangzhou' family photo album? What on earth would they caption that? I will say that no one has handed me their baby yet like they did in India, which I found exceptionally strange...what if I had just run off with the baby, never to be seen again? Or what if I had dropped it? What on earth will those children's parents tell them in ten years' time when they're going through the family photos-'Here is a hilariously pale girl we found, so we had her hold you and we took a picture'?

The thing is, though, that I don't feel much like a freak here. I go about my daily business like everyone else in Shanghai-work, errands, shopping, nights out, breakfast, lunch and dinner-and don't really dwell on the fact that I look so obviously different. It's easy to forget, actually, which has made Shanghai not only way too much fun, but really and truly an agreeable place to live.

One quick thing: I have gotten the first proper manicure of my life. What took me so long? I've bitten my nails since I could chew and nothing, not even painting them with this unbelievably bitter glaze, could make me break the habit. But much to my surprise and delight, a few days ago I realised that they were longer and healthier than they've ever been. I don't know if this is from the heat and humidity (hair and nails do grow faster in the tropics) or if it's because I'm so happy and NOT anxious, but my fingers are now presentable. The manicurist had to work on them for a good long time, but I couldn't be more pleased with them and their pink polish. I hope it's the first of many manicures to come. Call me shallow, but it makes me happy.

Shang-hi to everyone

Et enfin! A massive ni hao from Shanghai, which has been home for the last six days. The list of things I like about the ‘hai covers a bit of the basics, but a lot has happened since I got here—I had my first night out in this lovely energetic city, my first day of work at Riviera, went to gorgeous Hangzhou on Saturday, and, as of an hour ago, joined a gym! That last one is rather important, I think, because you simply can’t avoid delicious food here, and I would prefer not to have to ask for a seatbelt extender on my flight back to St Andrews. I have a feeling that I sweat a lot of it off, but I want to savour the tastes of China without fear of turning into a large white hippo.

So last Thursday, the night after I got here, one of the other interns was leaving after a four-month stint here and decided to organise a get-together at this place called Shiva Lounge, where Paul (one of the people who help me set up the internship and flat) knows the bartender Danny. Danny was nice enough to give us a two-for-one deal on Pimms, and it was actually really tasty because it was made with ginger beer and not that foul Morrison’s lemonade. A day in and Shanghai had already shown me something amazing—I now knew why I’ve detested all the Pimms I’ve drunk at St Andrews. Shiva also has some brilliant-sounding cocktails, and when two of the other interns—Jessica and Prudence, my flatmate and coworker at Riviera—got pina coladas, they looked sublime. I did have my first day of work the next day, so I wistfully closed the menu and told Danny that I’d get one some other time. In the blink of an eye he had made another pina colada, passed the cocktail glass into my hand and told me that it was on the house. Really, not a terrible welcome to a new city—especially compared to Natasha’s, Joe’s and my infamous welcome to Sfax, Tunisia, where we checked into what appeared to be a crack den, got followed by a slightly crazy guy, saw the slightly crazy guy get beaten up by the police, and spent the rest of the night giving a statement while they took our passports into another room.

A few hours after that pina colada, I woke up unusually bright-eyed for my first day as an intern at Riviera, which is about fifteen minutes away by taxi on Haui An Lu by Suzhou Creek (for some reason I feel a bit embarrassed that I haven’t seen the creek yet; all of my lunch hours have taken me in the other direction). I think it’s housed in a refurbished warehouse from the early 20th century, which of course brings to mind all these romantic images of old Shanghai, the Paris of the East, and its fantastically debauched ways. I was introduced to Henri, the key accounts manager and the person who interviewed me over the phone—I remember it quite clearly; if I’m doing academic work in my room I’m cross-legged on the bed, but because my landline doesn’t stretch that far, I was twirling around on my office chair somewhat awkwardly and wondering if the floor would be more comfortable. I suppose I should have taken a more thorough look at the website before I got there, to have some faces to attach to names—but the whole office seems quite nice. I have my own little table and white leather office chair, where I tap away on my laptop. Again, I’m not used to working in office chairs, but it would probably be wildly unprofessional to request a beanbag on the floor or something. Still, I bet when all the major CEOs have made it, once they’ve ushered their clients and colleagues out of their vast mahogany-panelled offices, they just flop on the couch and work with their laptops perched on their stomachs (kind of like I am right now).

The actual work I do as a marketing intern is the creation of proposals for major events for international corporations, especially hotels; for example, my main project right now is two proposals for Christmas galas at a few Marriotts throughout Shanghai, and I’m also working on the grand opening of the St Regis in Lhasa (yes, the Lhasa in Tibet). I do a little bit of research on the hotels (for example, I need to know whether or not the Hongqiao Marriott’s grand ballroom can be divided up into multiple sections, or what the main foyer’s dimensions are like), a bit of research on the market they’re aiming to attract to a given event (Christmas galas tend to be a bit more family-oriented than other events, but the Chinese, obviously not being overwhelmingly Christian, see the holiday more as an excuse to go out and party), decide on a concept and theme, and then formulate ideas as to how to translate the theme into an event (communications/PR, entertainment, decoration, food and beverages, giveaways, etc). I put all of this together in Powerpoint presentations, which are then pitched to the clients. Bang.

It's fun stuff, and I stumble across some really random s*** on the internet while I do it. Take this Caribbean Christmas gala theme. Today, for instance, I had this idea that there could be a performing magician, but, in keeping with the theme, he could be a sort of Haitian black magic voodoo-style magician. Very shortly thereafter I found that if you search for ‘voodoo’ on Google images, you will get some REALLY weird stuff. I also found out that this company makes a knife block in the shape of a voodoo doll; when you’ve stored all of your knives, it looks as though they’re stabbing a little orange person. A cool idea if you’re in the knife block-manufacturing business, but I don’t think I’d want it in my own kitchen.

As for something like the St Regis Lhasa grand opening, it’s obviously a bit different and, in some ways, more complicated. We also can’t exactly meet with clients in Lhasa for the morning—for those of you with hazy map skills, it’s a two-hour flight from here, plus you need special permits from the government in advance before going there—so I would presume that we’ll be doing conference calls from Riviera’s meeting room. It goes without saying, though, that I would have LOVED to go to Tibet on business!

Wait a minute, you might be saying. Isn’t the last thing Tibet needs a luxury hotel like the St Regis moving in? Well, from an historical/cultural/anthropological standpoint, yeah. Again, though, if I started making strident, obnoxious American-style objections about it, that probably come off as just a tiny bit unprofessional. As I proofread the proposal that had been put together, however, I realised that St Regis is really committed to making this a truly Tibetan hotel; there’s nothing about it that says ‘Han Chinese’. The grand opening features lots of traditional Tibetan dancing, music, food and general festivities and really seeks to give guests the chance to experience the local culture. Most touching, I found, was that the Hong Kong billionaire who’s financing the whole thing owns one of the world’s largest collections of Buddhist art, and is shipping them up to Lhasa to create a Buddhist Art Museum as part of the St Regis, so that guests and locals alike can take pleasure in viewing all these amazing artefacts. In addition to all that, you can’t deny that working with St Regis is rather cool. Perhaps they offer young blonde interns a discount? Or the loan of one of their trademark butlers?

Obviously there’s been more than just work; coming to Shanghai and just staying in the office would be a travesty! But I’m afraid that I’ll have to write about Hangzhou tomorrow, because it’s already half past midnight and I’m trying to get in a good sleep before tomorrow. It’s a full day, including a Mandarin lesson during my lunch hour (normally reserved for veritable culinary adventures around Huai An Lu!) and a ladies’ night in one of the tallest buildings in Shanghai that overlooks the Bund and features free champagne. Needless to say, there won’t be much time for a siesta.

Here are some pictures of our flat, though. It’s a really perfect little place, plus it’s on the eighth floor, which is extremely lucky. Ba, the word for eight, sounds like fa, the word for wealth, so all of China is clamouring to have eights in their life. Even airlines try to make their flights in or out of China as lucky as possible—my flight from Doha to Shanghai was 888, as was my flight from Beijing to San Francisco. The number four, on the other hand, is considered unlucky because in Chinese (si) it sounds very similar to the word for death. I’m not superstitious, but as they say, when in Rome, do as the Romans do.


1. The view up Yanping Lu, our cross street, from my window.


2. The kitchen and dining room, which gets loads of sun through the balcony windows.


3. Our living room with the gloriously comfortable L-shaped couch.


4. Looking up at our skyscraper home. I've never lived in a big world city and even I'm a little taken aback by how much I love it!

D'oh-ha

Greetings from beautiful Doha, Qatar, where I’ve been put up in the luxurious Doha Palace Hotel for the next while. The Palace’s amenities include an extremely firm bed twice as wide as it is long, a humble Turkish coffeeshop with free but Pleistocene-era wifi, a battered Qatari pride-themed tissue box, and a minibar (unplugged). To QA’s credit, they did pay for it, along with three meals, transport, and the entry visa.


This is where I am right now.

























This is where it feels like I am right now.

















Qatar itself is hot in the way that living on the surface of the sun would be hot, with the added benefit of the salty stickiness from the Persian Gulf. To give you a better idea, the pilot announced that it was 34 degrees (which I think is around 95F, though I never get this right) when we landed in the middle of the night. This is the sort of place where it’s too hot to actually go outside in the daytime, and if you don’t have air conditioning, you’re essentially dead. Even though it’s five in the morning right now, all of Doha is humming—because of all the a/c units struggling and wheezing away.

Don’t get me wrong, I love heat. And humidity. All winter long I dream of running around outside in a bikini and feeling the sun on my skin, and one of my favourite things to do is cook myself in the Bay Club’s steam room for longer than is advisable. The thing is that I stepped on the plane in Manchester, where it was about 15 degrees and raining, and I was dressed accordingly, ie jeans, blazer, boots. My flip flops and sundresses are in the checked bags, which are having a fun day out in some Doha airport storage area…so I have been reduced to watching Jazeera News in my underwear; thankfully I am travelling solo. Even if I did have my hot weather clothes, there’s no way that I could wear them outside without seriously offending passersby. Or getting a horrific sunburn—the first rays are out and they already look intense. I may have met my match. We’ll see tomorrow (actually ‘today’)—if I can bear putting on my clothes, I will make my way to a souq and buy everyone souvenirs of one of the planet’s least attractive destinations.

A few odds and ends:

-I suppose one of the big Doha attractions is the corniche, for which one sees signs that say ‘Al Corniche’. I like this. At first I thought, ‘It seems sort of cute’, and then immediately felt ashamed for being a patronising imperialist Western pig. Edward Said would be proud of himself.
-Very conveniently Qatar uses the same plugs and voltage as the UK. Win!
-Is it safe to drink the water here? I feel a bit squawky asking that, but it’s not like I had any reason to expect to have to know. I get the feeling that everyone just drinks bottled water here and there’s a problem with plastic bottles piling up, probably because everything else about the place is so unsustainable.
-There is an item on the hotel restaurant’s menu called ‘homos salad’. This is probably just an alternative spelling of hummus/hommus/houmos, but it did have me confused and a bit alarmed for a second. My favourite item on the menu, though, is something called Mutter Mushroom.

Edit: you now have the pleasure of seeing for yourself what a dump Qatar is! I've managed to upload some photos of this garden spot.


This stunning view was from my hotel room at dawn.




Rampant construction and indescribable heat: two things distinctly Qatari.


I did like this ziggurat, I'll admit.






I suppose there are some nice bits, but doesn't this mosque look a bit...fake to you?




I don't mean to hate on Qatar or the Gulf, but my God, when it's 49 degrees outside, wouldn't you be feeling a bit negative too? Anyway, I'm just glad to be here on the lucky 8th floor in Shanghai.